


football

by Insanitydonewell



Category: Free!, Haikyuu!!, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Crack, I'm so sorry, M/M, foc(briefly mentioned), mention of zuko from atla, proffesional eyeliner pilot, this is just one big meme, this was a gift i apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:30:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2838017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insanitydonewell/pseuds/Insanitydonewell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was a secret santa gone horribly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	football

**Author's Note:**

  * For [viva_la_levi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viva_la_levi/gifts).



Hanji and Levi walked into the strip club, ready for a good time, since Hanji insisted that they should celebrate the new job he was starting tomorrow.  
As they walked in, Levi continuously rolled his eyes while Hanji spoke, not really listening  
They sat down in front of the stage, and ordered drinks, as they heard the MC announce “Jaeger Bomb”.  
A spicy stripper walked on stage, posing super seductively, and started dancing to the loud music. Levi watched, getting pretty turned on tbh. He turned to Hanji. “Wow, he’s dancing like his rent is due tomorrow.” Hanji nodded ecsactily and threw a few hundred dollar bills on the stage just for the hell of it. Eren noticed this and crawled toward them, winking, seductively once again. In fact, he was winking so hard that his eeye lasheds created a slight breaze. Amazing.  
Levi turned to Hanji with a very serious look on his face. “I want to stick my dick in that.” He pointed at Eren, who did a really sensual back flip off the stage.  
Jumping off the stage, eren sat in levis lap, and started grinding on him sedctivley, because he was a stripper who actually did have rent due tomorrow. “Fuck my ass” eren thought irritably. Maybe if he rubbed this customer all over his body he’d be able to pay off his overlord . He climbed off levi, noticing thathe shorter man had his dna rifle locked and loaded.  
Rest in fucking pieces.  
He was going to ride this man all the way to stable finances.  
With that, he grabbed Levi’s hand, and picked him up like the small angry child he looked like.  
Levi was very confused as he was lead back to a secret room, and tossed onto a bed.  
He and eren proceeded to have gratuitous and p self indulgent sex.  
Before levi left, he gently fucking shoved another hundred dollar bill into erens mouth, and ollied the fuck out of the strip club,  
Hot.  
He parkoured into class, and sat in his seat, drawing dicks o n his paper before the teacher came in.  
But low and behold, when the teacher walked in, it was none other than….levi  
Dun dun dun  
“FUCK MY ASS” eren thought again, his hair stood on end and he looked like some demented porpcuine  
Levi looked in his direction, since eren was a fucking bitch and said it out loud. Eren slid under his desk, and wATCHed levi from his hiding spot, hissing like a dersnged squirrel.  
Levi devided that he was too old for that bullshit and ignored eren, instead just saying, “nice meme” sarcastically. Eren stared angrily at levi from under his desk.  
That son of a bitch fucked me and didn’t call me back the next morning.  
This memes war.  
Eren squinted in levis direction while he ignored him. >Levi continred ith class but was secretly sweating because ere n was being such a fuck  
The bell could not have rung faster  
Levi nyoomed out of the room, stopping when he bumped into rin and sousuke.  
“GASP” levi gasped.  
Those two hot pieces of ass were looking down at him with the white hot intensity of a thousand firey suns.  
It was like Zuko came out of the sky and jerked his flaming dick all over them, engulfing them in sexy lava until they were burnt to spicy crisps  
Because rin and sousuke were so hot.  
Red  
Fucking  
hot  
Levi fainted from being surrounded by too much hotness, and Eren cornered him, shaking his body like a limp spaghetti noodle.  
“Why didn’t you call me back??” Eren asked thirstily. Levi was shaken so badly that his head ended up just fucking flying off and into rins open arms  
Rin scoffed, looking at eren in distain.  
He then gently fucking stroked levis head, before setting it aside for later, not noticing when sousuke picked it up and slam dunked it into the trash  
“Maybe you should join the swim club, then you won’t be as thirsty.” Eren squinted at him, and bit his thumb, SUDDENLY TURNING INTO A GINAT TITAN HOLY GUACAMOLE PEOPLE 

He loomed dangerously over them, getting ready to squish them, before he heard sousuke .  
“Where’d his dick go?”  
Oikawa and tsukiyama poked their heads out of the garbage can, startled by the disturbance.  
“TRES MAL” tuskiyama screamed, looking at oikawas ruined eyeliner. Oikawa looked in a conveniaently placed mirror, and looked in whorror as he saW his eye liner looking as crooked as his sexuality.  
“LE GASP” He gasped, in French of course.  
They looked up at Eren, narrowing their eyes angrily. Oikawa climbed out of the trash to sashay towards eren aggressively. “YOU GODDAMN GIANT WALNUT FUCKING TRASHBABY WTF WAS THAT FOR” tSUKIyama gently hopped out of the trash, and picked him up, using his perfect winged eye liner to fly up to erens face, where oikawa proceeded to spike a volleyball at erens eye.  
Eren waved his arms at them ,but tsukiyama was a professional eyeliner pilot who was able to tactically manuvuer out of the way, before tossin oikaea wa on the ack of erens neck, 

AND OUT OF NOWHERE SEBASTIAN MICHELELELEELS COMES OUT OF NOWHERE LOOKING LIKE A FINE PIECE OF ASS GODDAMN LIKE HOLY COW  
HE PROCEEDS TO USE HIS AWESOME DEMON POWERS TO FUCK EREN UP AND SLAM DUNK HIM INTO THE NEAREST TRASH CAN ALONG WITH OIKAWA  
THEN TSUKIYAMA CRIED BECAUSE HIS LOVER~ WAS PUT BACKWHERE HE BELONGS  
“HEART BREAK”  
THEN SEBASTIAN PICKED UP BECKY (WHO CAME OUT OF NO WHERE LOOKING HOT AS HELL) AND CARRIED HER AWAY SO THEY COULD LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER  
AND SOUSUKE WAS PROBABLY THERE TOO  
THE END  
PEACE OU T  
MERRY CHRISTMAS

**Author's Note:**

> I had something serious in mind but this just went downhill so quickly I don't know where to start.


End file.
